The Science of Interpersonal Attraction: Why We Choose Our Friends
The Science Behind Friendship
Why We Choose Our Friends
Why do we form friendships? Why are we drawn to certain individuals while others remain strangers? This exploration delves into the common saying “birds of a feather flock together,” examining the factors that underpin our social connections. We’ll explore existing research on relationship initiation, focusing on attraction, similarity, and complementarity.
The Role of Attraction
Attraction is fundamental to socializing. Key factors influencing attraction include proximity, familiarity, physical attractiveness, and similarity or complementarity.
- Proximity: Studies reveal that our friends often live close by.
- Familiarity: We tend to like people more as we become familiar with them. However, initial dislike can be amplified by familiarity.
- Physical Attractiveness: We are often drawn to symmetrical faces and those with feminine features, which can convey warmth.
- Similarity/Complementarity: Shared backgrounds, demographics (age, religion, education level, etc.), cognitive abilities, attitudes, values, and personality traits are strong predictors of friendship and marital longevity (Berscheid and Reis, 1998). The matching hypothesis suggests we are attracted to people with similar levels of physical attractiveness.
Reasons Behind Similarity
- Accessibility: We encounter similar people in our neighborhoods, schools, and workplaces.
- Ease of Maintenance: Pursuing dissimilar partners carries a risk of rejection.
- Balance and Equity: Relationships thrive in balanced states (Homans, 1974).
The Influence of Music
Music also plays a role in forming relationships. Rentfrow and Gosling (2006) found that university students frequently discussed music, using it to express themselves and their preferences. This highlights the importance of shared musical tastes in social bonding.
Beyond Similarity: Exploring Dissimilarity
While similarity is important, dissimilarity can also attract. Studies suggest we prefer dissimilarity if we know the other person likes us. Aron et al. (2006) propose that the preference for similarity stems from evaluating risks and costs. We may choose similar people to minimize rejection. For example, pursuing a younger partner carries the risk of them preferring someone their own age.
Complementarity and the Beauty-Money Trade-Off
The beauty-money trade-off theory suggests that wealthy individuals often marry more attractive partners. Winch et al. introduced the concept of complementarity, where we are drawn to those who possess qualities we lack. This creates a balance. Complementary behavior enhances relationship satisfaction and reinforces perceived similarity (Dryer & Horowitz, 1997).
The Attraction-Similarity Hypothesis
The attraction-similarity hypothesis explains that attraction can influence our perception of similarity. When attracted to someone, we seek common ground.