The Perils of Punctuality and the Dangers of Deceit: Two Tales of Intrigue
The Perils of Punctuality
Mrs. Foster’s pathological fear of being late manifests in a twitching muscle near her eye. Her husband, Mr. Eugene Foster, seems to torment her by ensuring they always leave the house slightly late.
On a particular occasion, Mrs. Foster is frantic to catch a flight to visit her daughter and grandchildren in Paris. Despite her husband’s tardiness, she manages to make her flight, which is later postponed to the next day.
The next day, Mr. Foster suggests they drop him off at his club, knowing it will delay them. Mrs. Foster protests in vain. Just before leaving, he runs back into the house, pretending to retrieve a gift for his daughter.
While he’s gone, Mrs. Foster discovers the gift box hidden in the car. She runs to the house to tell him, but pauses, listening intently. She then runs back to the car, telling the driver they’re too late and her husband must find another ride.
Mrs. Foster makes her flight and has a wonderful visit. She writes to her husband weekly and sends a telegram before flying home six weeks later. However, he’s not at the airport to meet her, and upon entering the house, she notices a strange odor.
Satisfied, she enters her husband’s study and calls the elevator repairman. It had jammed, and she left him to die there.
The Dangers of Deceit
The story begins with a critique of American women who marry men for financial gain and then divorce them. The author claims that these men console themselves with tales of cuckolded men triumphing over the evil forces of femininity.
The most famous of these stories is “Mrs. Bixby and the Colonel’s Coat,” about a hard-working dentist and his deceitful wife. Mrs. Bixby leaves home monthly, ostensibly to visit her aunt, but spends the time with her lover, the Colonel.
On one occasion, she receives a parting gift from the Colonel, a beautiful mink coat. She schemes to hide it from her husband and pawns it for $50, receiving a blank pawn ticket.
She tells her husband she found the ticket in a taxicab, and he excitedly agrees to claim the item. She lets him go, not wanting to be recognized by the pawnbroker.
He calls her from work the next day, saying he has the item and she’ll be surprised and happy. Mrs. Bixby goes to his office to retrieve the coat, but is shocked when he places a mangy mink stole around her neck.
She feigns happiness, planning to return to the pawnbroker and accuse him of switching the coat. However, on her way out, she sees her husband’s assistant secretary wearing the beautiful black mink coat given to Mrs. Bixby by the Colonel.