The Nine Ways We Lie: Understanding Deception and Trust
The Many Forms of Deception
Lying is a common practice; it is something we all do. Sometimes the falsehoods are small, sometimes they are bigger, but deception is always present. In her essay The Ways We Lie, Stephanie Ericsson explains that lying isn’t just one thing—it serves different purposes, such as:
- To protect ourselves.
- To dodge responsibility.
- To make life easier.
The problem is that even the “harmless” lies deteriorate trust and honesty, distort communication, and weaken personal integrity. While lying might feel unavoidable, noticing the different ways we practice it is the first step toward being more authentic with ourselves and others.
White Lies: Harmless or Necessary?
We start with white lies—those little falsehoods we tell to keep the peace, soften the truth, and avoid hurting feelings. Examples include saying “I’m fine” when you’re not, or complimenting someone’s cooking even if it’s bland. While they seem harmless, relying on them too much means we end up living in a world where honesty is optional. White lies might save feelings in the moment, but they also prevent us from building relationships based on genuine truth.
Facades: The Masks We Wear
Then there are facades—the masks we put on to look better than we feel. This involves pretending to be confident, successful, or happy when we are not. Ericsson notes that these masks disconnect us from our real selves. The more we fake it, the more we start believing the fake version. In a culture obsessed with appearances, facades become normalized, but they ultimately rob us of authenticity.
Ignoring the Obvious: The Power of Denial
Ignoring the plain facts is basically **denial**. It is when people refuse to admit what is right in front of them. Society does this all the time—pretending poverty or discrimination are not real problems. On a personal level, it is like refusing to admit you have a bad habit. Denial doesn’t solve anything; it just makes problems worse. It is one of the most damaging lies because it blocks necessary action.
Deflecting and Dodging Responsibility
Deflecting is when you change the subject or blame someone else to avoid owning up to a mistake. Politicians do it constantly, but so do we in everyday life. It is a way of escaping responsibility, but it kills trust. If you cannot admit mistakes, people stop believing in you. Deflecting is essentially saying, “I don’t want to deal with this,” but it leaves others frustrated.
Omission: The Dishonesty of Silence
Omission is leaving out important details. It feels less like lying because you are not saying anything false, but it is still manipulative. Not telling a friend the whole story, or hiding a mistake at work, changes how people perceive reality. Silence can be just as dishonest as words, and sometimes even more dangerous because it is harder to catch.
Stereotypes and Clichés: Collective Lies
Stereotypes and clichés are lies we tell as a group. They simplify reality into easy phrases that reinforce prejudice. These are not truths—they are shortcuts. They are damaging because they shape how we treat people, even when individuals do not fit the stereotype. Examples include:
- “Teenagers are lazy.”
- “Men don’t cry.”
This is a collective lie that keeps us from seeing others clearly.
Groupthink: Choosing Comfort Over Truth
Groupthink happens when people lie to themselves to stay in line with the group. You don’t speak up because you don’t want to cause conflict. It feels easier, but it is dangerous. History is full of examples where silence allowed injustice to continue. Groupthink shows how lies can become the norm when everyone chooses comfort over truth.
Bald-Faced Lies: Obvious Falsehoods
Bald-faced lies are the obvious ones—straight-up falsehoods with no disguise. They are easy to spot, and they destroy credibility fast. But here is the twist: sometimes the **subtle lies**, like omission or facades, are worse because they are harder to notice. Still, bald-faced lies show total disregard for truth, and once someone tells one, it is hard to trust them again.
Self-Deception: The Hardest Lie to Break
Finally, there is delusion, or lying to yourself. This is the **most dangerous** kind of lie because it eats away at your identity. Convincing yourself that a toxic relationship is fine, or that a bad habit isn’t hurting you, stops you from growing. Self-deception doesn’t just fool others—it fools you, and that is the hardest lie to break.
The Necessity of Awareness
Ericsson’s point is clear: lying is part of life, but it always has consequences. We do not need to aim for a lie-free world—that is impossible—but we do need to be aware of the ways we lie and how they affect us. Honesty might be uncomfortable, but it is the only way to build trust and face reality. In a world full of appearances and half-truths, choosing honesty is almost rebellious.