Living with AIDS: A Personal Account
The Inability to Breathe
I struggle to speak, finding it difficult to breathe. Fatigue overwhelms me. I feel on the verge of suicidal thoughts. My hope is fading. Dizziness and bitterness consume me, and the hospital ward feels smaller each day. The world seems to shrink, and I shudder.
A Plea for Certainty
I pray, not for miracles, but for the certainty of yesterday. I want to remove the ice and prevent my skin from leaving, as my soul is consumed with curiosity. I desperately want to overcome these AIDS tests. My life hangs in the balance.
Despair and Anxiety
Despair chokes me, leaving me blind. The word ‘death’ feels like it’s marked with fire. Anxiety fills me. Fear grips me, and my legs shake. I bite my tongue against the cold that penetrates my bones. There’s no escape.
Frozen Memories
My anxiety is a spider. The walls around me become limp, and memories freeze: my first kiss, my first bike, my first fight. Time stops. Footsteps of the nurse echo from the waiting room. I’d give anything to trade places with someone!
The Diagnosis
My heart races. My body is poisoned. Death, dressed in white, arrives and delivers the news: I have AIDS. It’s a disease that bleeds my life. It was born, it grows on me, breathes, and feels alive. It wants to spend the rest of our days together.
Overwhelmed by Horror
Pressure crushes my chest. My soul moans in horror. The last thing I see before blacking out is my partner’s mascara running with tears. “There is nothing to encourage me,” I think when I wake up to my family’s cries. My father yells at me that I am unhappy. My skin cracks.
The Chains of Death
I realize my conviction, and my blood boils. I feel the weight of the chains that bind me to death. I hope to die before my body is fully infected. A virus eats away at me, killing me. It’s a filthy disease with no escape.
Rejection and Isolation
I gag at the pity I receive. I am disgusted. It gives me creeps. The worst thing is the rejection: parents afraid to drink from my glass, friends making excuses to avoid a hug. My partner doesn’t like to stay alone with me. My suffering heart is stabbed.
The End
I don’t want to live in a world where reason leads to madness and sanity fills me with bitterness. To know that I’ll end up in a coffin, alone in the dark…